I finally updated my profile to reflect the Quechop characters as they really are. Can't believe how much these four actually could be a family.

So there I was, innocently eating walnuts...

Does anyone else see this:


and think this?




Legal stuff:
walnuts
Galaga
Owners retain all copyright

I must be in editing mode (and suffering from insomnia). Poor writing is popping up everywhere these days.

Nonfiction and the wth sentence that's just tacked on:

"Early detection helps many athletes with diabetes enjoy rigorous training."

If you really think about that sentence, it's missing some key information/correlation to make it a true statement. Do all athletes enjoy rigorous training...UNLESS they have diabetes? Does finding out they have diabetes make them enjoy training more? Should athletes with diabetes avoid rigorous training (which they really, really want to do) unless their disease was detected early? Say you're an athlete who doesn't train quite so rigorously, would finding out (early, mind you) that you have diabetes help you train more rigorously? And enjoy it, say, more than the not-so-rigorous things you did before? Hmmm?

Or, perhaps you are saying, "Yes, but this is out of context."

AH HA! I give you context:

"In its early stages, diabetes often goes unnoticed: You might feel thirstier and hungrier than usual, become tired and cranky, or have to make more trips to the bathroom. In fact, 7 million Americans have diabetes but don't know it. Early detection helps many athletes with diabetes enjoy rigorous training."

That's it. That's the end of the article (except for telling you when you should check for it - I highly recommend athletes do it NOW as this will seriously affect your ability to enjoy your rigorous training!)

Whenever we get together with family or friends now, they ask how the book is going. I invariably answer, "It's going".
It's January. I've been editing this particular version of the monster for 10 months now. I'm so ready for it to be done.

But there are other changes that need to be made as well: more sleep, more sunlight, less food, more motion, less stress, less snapping, more kindness, more time with people.

I wish I could stop the world and dance with you and finish the book then restart it as a fully-focused and balanced individual. But I can't. I've also had to realize that I'm not Wonder Woman (I'm still waiting for those cool bracelets I sent off for...).

So, while there may be more to life than this, there won't be for me for the foreseeable future. Bummer.

Don't you forget about me...

I have a confession to make: I'm addicted to downloading free books to my Kindle.

In November 2009, a short prequel to a book series I was reading became available for free on Amazon. Since the Amazon for PC app was also free, I downloaded both.
A couple of months later, I scrolled through the top 100 books (before they split them out) and found other free books to download...and a monster was born.
My husband finally got me a Kindle for Christmas in 2010 since I was never going to sit at my computer and read the 200+ books I'd downloaded.

I now have over 1900 (paid for 32). In May of 2011, they opened the flood gates to short stories and I downloaded over 200 books that month alone...it's been almost as bad every month since. And no, I don't download every free book. I have almost no classics, and I shy away from the plethora of horror and erotica available.

I've read about 30 of them. Of course, I'm hoping to have more time to read after I finish editing my book.

BUT despite the fact that my Kindle still has plenty of room, the processor is groaning under the load and the battery is dying fairly quickly now. When I download the latest copy of my novel to read through and edit when I'm away from my desk (and, yes, I delete old copies so they don't take up room), I usually bookmark where I've been reading to my sister. In the past 2 months, my Kindle had to do a hard reset whenever I tried to add a bookmark and sometimes when adding an editing note. Even hitting the home button takes it a minute or three (timed).

My husband kept threatening to send it in, but I cringed to think of having to redownload everything to a refurbished Kindle (something about sticking with the devil you know...).
So, tonight, when it took over 10 minutes for my Kindle to realize it'd been connected via USB to my computer, I finally bit the bullet and am removing the 2010 books from the device. We'll see how much faster that makes it go. *cheesy grin*

So, thanks to my sister and a friend, the Christmas tree is now sparkling shining in our living room. Still have tons to do before the hordes descend on us in less than 10 days.

Eureka Christmas special was great.

And that's about the extent of life in the big city.

Two people I knew died yesterday.

The dentist I'd started going to a couple of years ago passed away from cancer. The wonderful receptionist in his office said, "We knew this was coming, but it still hits you." From what little I knew of him, he was a wonderful man.

Someone I went to school with died in a car crash. I hadn't seen him in about 15 years. He was one that many people will miss - a bit of the class clown. Recently graduated from a local college.

Both feel like lives cut short. I ache for the families left behind. For their pain and that unfillable hole of LOSS that opens up inside.
It makes me think long and hard about how life is a gift. None of us knows how long we have; we can only make the most of each day that we're given.

Officially 2/3 done with the novel. Husband still has to read it all and "sign off" that everything is okay.

I have some heavy-duty changes to wring coming up. Trusting that I will smoothly sail right through to a perfect ending.

7 years ago today, I finished the 60 pg (handwritten) story that started it all.
It was the weekend after my friend's wedding where my husband and I had our first real conversation.

Currently, I have 20 chapters as edited as I personally can get them and 3 mostly edited. The rest need work. (still holding at 34 chapters total at this point) I have to finish slashing the wordiness, telling and any pov errors. I also have to rework/amp up the protagonist's moment of truth and add an element to the final battle that explains why all of the enemy must be slaughtered (as opposed to "we just need to kill all the evil minions for no real reason").

In my personal life, we're switching back our sleep schedule (yes, we've been doing this since we got together lol). I have a dental appt a week from Thurs that will require us to get up at 7AM. Since that's when we've been going to sleep for the past month or two, you can see the problem. We've been backing it up 1 hour a day and today we got up at 1pm. Husband is having trouble getting to sleep, but my body is loving it. I allowed for our getting 9 hours of sleep and I've been waking at about 8 hours. Hopefully his will adjust.

This will allow us to be up for the Food & Wine Festival which starts the day after my dental appt. Pain be darned, I will gum the yumminess to death.

Did you know that it's hard to type around a cat lying just in front of your keyboard? Just thought I'd share.
The gray fuzzball knows I need my daily dose of purring and she's always glad to oblige. Just thought she'd share.

After attending the conference in March where I decided to pursue the Christian aspects that peppered my novel and gear it toward a Christian market, I wanted to start honoring the Sabbath again for a number of reasons. First, God commands it. That alone should be enough, but I'm human. I don't get up early enough to attend church on Sundays. I know. No excuse. But it's a Christian walk, not a full out run and I am a work-in-progress. In keeping with that, I decided I wouldn't edit the book on Sundays.

The problems started pretty early on. I'd get going on the editing through the week and slam into Sunday only to watch my momentum derail. I hated it. I resented the command to stop all and worship Him even as I sought a better attitude. Ask my husband when he got yelled at the most and it would be Sunday nights after a day of pent up frustrations on my part.

And it only got worse as I watched it take me longer and longer to get through the novel. I thought I'd be done before June 1st. Optimist that I am.

The writing has been a big debate for me. On one hand, I know God called me to write. He put this passion in me and I love it. Ask my husband when I'm happiest and he'll tell you it's when I'm writing. So, I'm happy when I'm using my talent for God as He intended. Why then would I not do that on Sunday? It's a form of worship...

On the other hand, I've read through the Bible several times and I know that the Israelites were exiled from their lands for seventy years - equivalent to all the Sabbaths they failed to keep. God doesn't want "business as usual" on the day He commanded for us to rest. Writing for me is "business as usual".

But the Sabbath is more than that, it's also a day & time to stop the normal ebb and flow of our lives and get our minds back on Him and what's really important.

While I could enumerate all these reasons to myself, I couldn't make myself WANT to do it. When my sister came over, I'd be fine spending time with family. But when it was just my husband and I, I'd think longingly of opening that file and working on my story. It didn't matter if I'd actually do any editing or not, it was a temptation because I felt it was forbidden. Nice attitude for a Christian, huh? Did I mention that I'm human? =)

Last night, I finally got through a difficult section that had already stalled me the first time I hit it (in early May). No matter how many times I stared at it, typed and started over, I couldn't get the words to come out right, to convey the deeply emotional impact of a father offering forgiveness and mercy in the midst of a daughter's selfish acts that came with a heavy cost.

I felt like God had abandoned me. The reason I couldn't get it right was because it was supposed to be a deep reflection of my own relationship with Him. (And if you don't feel the arrogance of trying to craft God's response to you...) While I crave the image of Him just holding me as I cry out my hurt and frustration, I have no idea what He'd actually say after the tears calmed.

As typical, inspiration/dedication/hair pulling finally culminated with a finished scene on Saturday night. Now I had to wait a whole day before I could edit any more. Cue wailing and gnashing of teeth. But Goooood!  Yet, I felt in my spirit that I was to watch a church service and read a book that I'd downloaded for free on Friday.

Well, I believe that God sets things up and directs your steps if you listen. Today, I listened. During my prayer time, I wrote about my frustration and my struggle to worship on Sunday, to focus on Him and to keep the proper perspective for His day. I asked Him to show me a better way. God never turns away from those who honestly seek Him and His answers leave you no doubt that you heard from Him.

The service I picked aired on Aug 14 and was titled, Learning to Rest. That was an easy one, "Thanks God!" right? Heh. The pastor challenged with a lesson I needed reminding of: Ps 46:10 "Be still and know that I am God." He pointed to a spiritual truth that he learned while in his own time of rest. That a lot of his anger/attitude came from feeling entitled instead of privileged. I know that's a problem I have, too. My husband treats me with far more patience than I do him. I want to change that.

Even during the service, I still felt frustrated with today. Couldn't I just edit...for God? After all, it's His story. I really didn't want to read the book that I felt I should. So, I started reading the book. I may be human, but I'm no dummy. =)

The book is Max Lucado's The Applause of Heaven. I thought it would be similar to Robert McGee's Search for Significance, which I couldn't really get into - just a little bit too dry. To my surprise, it was actually about Matt 5 and the Beatitudes. And I had a lot to learn.

By chapter 2, I was in tears. Yeah, as much as I've given God this story, I still struggle with "doing it on my own". I didn't want to give Him the praise for the section I'd finished last night. After all, why had it taken Him so long to give me the words? Any other time my husband told me he was proud of me, I deflected the praise to its rightful place. I'm not the one writing this, and I know it.

Mr. Lucado put the self sufficiency into perspective - and that is what has been blocking the joy I've been looking for for so long! The Christian walk is not about learning God's rules and following them. It's about realizing we CAN'T and surrendering ALL. God does NOT help those who help themselves; they're doing what they can in their pride instead of surrendering to His help. The Christian walk brings us face to face with our pride and asks us to give it to God.

One of my favorite illustrations he used was when his 3 yr old decided she wanted a bicycle. He knew she was too young for it, she was barely big enough for a tricycle. She firmly held to her belief that nothing else would make her happy and that if her daddy didn't agree, then she wanted a new daddy.

God gets the same treatment. Yet, He made us. He knows what is best for us and He knows when. And surrendering in trust is the hardest thing to do in life. Especially when things don't make sense. But I know that He has more than my best interests at heart, He has His and His are to provide me a "hope and a future". And if I don't take time to sit back and worship Him for who He is, I will miss the best that He has planned for me - whether in this world or the next.

Today, I got to sit still in my Heavenly Father's lap and remember that He is God and I'm not. What a freeing truth!